and patience thins

I have filled the waiting with Him... nativities are scattered among my shelves and tucked into nooks, stories of their journey and His birth are pulled from the bookcase and enjoyed, and songs have been played over and over again... the songs that speak the story, words digging deeper into the hearts of a young couple as they walk the road of trust and faith under a starry night sky.  And this Casting Crown lyric... it haunts me...

Mary shivered in the cold to keep the Savior warm...
Wrapped in dirty rags because there was no room for him in this world He came to save.

While most years find me balancing on that line between Santa and Jesus, this year Christmas has drawn me closer to the manger, my heart bedded with the straw that He will lie in.  I find myself ready... for the waiting to end.  But there are days left to travel, and I hang on to my weary patience, knowing that in the waiting there are many gifts...

Yesterday our church celebrated... we sang the songs, we heard the story.  The angels and the shepherds gathered 'round and sang with her... away in a manger, no crib for his bed, the little lord Jesus lay down His sweet head. the stars in the bright looked down where he lay...

And Pastor scooped up a little one and spoke about the gift that Christmas brings... the most beautiful gift He ever gave.  As the message was soaking into my heart, I watched that sweet little boy, tucked into Pastor's arms.  I watched the way his hands moved, the expressions on his little face, and the way his bare little toes wiggled out of his blanket... and the moment gripped my heart.  Jesus was just like this little baby... real.  He is not just the last little piece I place in the scene, still and sweet in wrapped cloth, He is a real breathing, wiggling boy.  And just a few songs later in the service, this sweet little boy was carried up to the manger on the stage by his daddy and placed into his mama's arms.  That real story continued... as his mama looked at his smiling face and bounced him a bit on her knee.  She chatted with a shepherd, and pulled an angel closer...  oh yes... the story is real.

I find myself full... of Christmas.
My heart has swelled with the emotions that a Christmas Eve service brings... and we are still five days out.  I am thankful for this fullness now... thankful that as the last crazy details are put into place for Christmas Day, my heart will be singing His song with renewed joy.  Just as my patience was thinning, so ready for the waiting to end, I find myself content... waiting just outside the stable, chilly from the wind and peeking around the door hoping for a glimpse.  Content... and waiting for my turn to step into the warmth and kneel in the straw at the manger.