the truth of ugly and grace...

For the last two weeks, Richella has commented on a post and asked me to please post this to my Grace Imparted link-party!  But this week I am on my own... and I've been searching my mind for that little bit of grace.  There has been grace, offered and received... acceptance of office supply hoarding, because I know she comes by it rightly and a day at the beach when I know he'd rather spend the day doing anything but.  But somehow I could feel grace lingering in a larger way... and so I sought it.  In the seeking, there was finding... but there was also awful truth that is stinging my heart because I know it is just that.  Truth. 
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One of the first places I look for inspiration is Jesus Calling... I gravitate towards it,   knowing that His word will be just for me, just right.  Today the words that struck my heart were Nothing will ever separate you from me and You are engraved on the palm of my hand.  The words move through me and stick like glue.  Superglue... glue that once you stick it, it is there to stay.  Glue that cannot be un-stuck.   

Driving to work, the words were still wandering my heart  and I was still searching for the little bit of grace to share.  I have come to learn that searching and seeking will often lead to an answer... and there it was.  On my radio.  The words were so strong and so true that I wanted to hide my face... in shame.  I knew it was my answer for today and yet... I did not want to share this ugly truth about me.  But I asked, and He answered...

I am the thorn in your crown, but You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow, but You love me anyway

I am the nail in Your wrist, but You love me anyway
I am Judas’ kiss, but You love me anyway

See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd  for Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground.

With this sin in my heart tried to bury Your grace, and then alone in the night, I still called out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life...

But You love me anyway
Oh, God… how you love me
You love me anyway
It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known


Still you call me to walk on the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly...
-lyrics from You Love Me Anyway, Sidewalk Prophets

You see... when it got to the part about being the nail in His wrist... it brought me around to how we are really engraved on the palm of His hand.  And if I am that nail... then I am all those other things too.   Judas' kiss?  A betrayer?  Me?  And a part of the crowd crying Crucify Him?  The thorn and the sweat I could handle... but this seems like too much.  And yet... I don't really need anyone to tell me where I'd be without the events of Cavalry.  And still... He loves me anyway.  That is the simple, beautiful truth I need to cover the ugly. 
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So maybe this is not the little bit of grace I was searching for today... and perhaps it might have been a better start to a Monday if I had splashed beautiful beach photos before your eyes.  But I just couldn't.