if it wasn't official before...

Today she turns in her cap and gown order. 
Way back when... 2012 seemed a lifetime away, and somehow, now it is almost looking me in the eye.

She came home giddy with excitement, and when I finally got home, I was as excited as she... to browse through the senior stuff with her.  Reading the tag lines on the cover had me marvelling at the clever author and ooooh-ing at the picture memories spinning through my mind.  And then... in the next moment,  I was sobbing. 

Oh baby girl, I am teetering on the line of disbelief... the one drawn between excitement and touch of sorrow.  But oh, this life... is beautiful from any angle... and you will shine.

I can count on it.

being thankful

It's been more than a week of days since I have felt like there has been a possibilty of stringing a few thoughts together, but now... the words are stirring again.  Hearts have been praying, and it seems that the thick veil of exhaustion has lifted some.  I am thankful.  I suppose knowing things are going to be okay and the actual road of getting there are two completely different things... and sorting out the differences make me weary.  But there is less pain and more living... and the promise of an update tomorrow.  Any news is better than no news.   

Fall has come, and with it, fresh air.  For deep breathing. For cheering. For laughing.  Yes, there has been some of each.  Again, I am thankful.  The breeze circles 'round us and we think outloud that perhaps this is the best season of the year.  But the next, and the next after that will come, each with its own glory and gifts... and it too will be the best season of the year.  And it makes me smile... to know that the best is still just around the bend.

while we wait

The days stretch on in uncertainty... even the weather can't quite decided which end is up, pouring down buckets of rain while the sunlight is still filtering through the trees.  But being home is good, and the sound of the rain on the roof lulls me into rest.  Although, my body isn't sure it could actually have it any other way.  Exhaustion has arrived in full force.  Let the healing begin.
It is not just his back that needs healing... the past week has tried to bend our souls with fear and pain and that uncertainty.  And the light at the end of the tunnel, the light declares life has returned to the normal that you knew, seems faint and flickering, and we know it is at least two months away.  With rest, togetherness, a new arrangement of furniture and borrowed choices of seating, we begin to paddle our way towards the Healer... and   when our eyes are weary, and we wonder if the weight of sleep will lift, His Grace comes around us like a life-jacket.
Grace enters in, and keeping our eyes on the tunnel-light no longer seems necessary.  It pours over us in love of family and friends, and in casseroles and simmering, savory aromas.  Prayers and well wishes surround us and lift up not only Eric and his injury, but all of us as we band together.  And even the scariest financial details... they are bathed in His Grace, and we see a glimpse of His Plan.
Healing may be a pinhole of light flickering in the distance... but the comfort and promise of His Plan lights the way.  We do not know the details that are yet to be, but we rest... assured that in Him, healing will come, and
that uncertainty has nothing on Grace.

holding on... on a wednesday

Remember that joy is not dependent on your circumstances.  True joy is a by-product of living in My Presence.  Therefore you can experience it in palaces, in prisons... anywhere.    -Jesus Calling, Sarah Young
Anywhere.  Even in this hospital. Even facing a day of pain, which will surely come when Eric is finally upright, braced and walking.  Things are moving along here... and while we have been told that Friday is a possible day for heading home, we don't even write it in the notebook.  Not even in pencil.  There are many things that need to happen before home happens... many doctors who need to sign off and say okay.  There are still questions, still situations that are unsure.  But there is good care, edible food, loving visitors... and Jesus.  Always Jesus, anywhere.

choosing blessings

The sunshine slips in under the drapes and I catch a glimpse of the outside world.  The beautiful, sunshining, first-day-of-cool outside world.  But where else where would I be but here... by his side as he lays still and just a little broken.  I watch him sleep... and know that he will be okay, but my prayers still will the healing, still ask for the pain to subside.   Pastor came and prayed... for a healing beyond what seems possible to us.  I know He hears every prayer... so we wait.

I see two paths... and choose the one lined with blessings.
-toes & fingers that wiggle and that the medication does take the edge off the pain
-friends that just show up... and though they do not come empty handed, just their presence is enough
-prayers, messages and notes... knowing that we are not alone.
-nurses that care... and one in particular who found a bigger room
-the view from the cafeteria... lily pads scattered across the pond
-kids who take this in stride... and the chance to kiss them before they went off to school
-the sense of humor that is not lost
-the green paper crane that keeps watch...
-family who says don't worry
-he answers the phone and says I'm doing great.  He's not... but I like that he thinks he is.
-kindness in a door held open and a smile... I'm sure he didn't know my next stop was the hospital
-a time to worship... hymns through the speakers as I drive through the black of early morning... and the light that begins to welcome the new day
-the tears that come in that time of worship... a release of my heart. 
-it is well with my soul... and when I hear that song, I recall Beth Moore's words  It may not be well with my circumstances, but it is well with my soul.  And it is. 

Your prayers are blessings to our family.  Tracie always asks me for specific prayers... so I will add these.
-That there are only 3 vertebraes fractured.
-That the healing be quicker than the doctors could imagine.
-That Eric's spirits stay high.

Today I am linking to Richella's Imparting Grace... because these blessings are His grace and we are resting in them.