tears for two...

Some days they can collide.  Sorrow and joy. 
I was thankful I had tucked this into my pocket... because my heart was churning and I could feel the tears coming...

Those tears of sorrow caught me during church, where I am stripped raw of me and all that remains is the thinnest skin... so open to God and what He has to teach.  Cam leaned over and smiled about one of his favorite songs... Shine, Jesus Shine.  And that was what did me in.  One year away from this earth, and I am so missing her.  I see her face in photos and smile, and oh I know she is home... but some days I wish for her perspective and grace and light... and the way that she could shine Jesus into this messy life.  My voice was caught up in silent sobs, but I followed along, letting Jesus shine through my smile as I caught those tears in the hankie I carried then...

: :

With a flurry of planning and whispers of excitement, we caught her totally off guard.  Only home from her Macie Kate travels two days, we surprised her with a Grandma shower.  I don't even recall if we yelled surprise when she opened the door and her mouth fell into an "O."  I was so filled with joy at her arrival.  The tears slid down my face as she made her way around the room, hugging the women who had helped hold her up, prayed with her and for her... and for her family.  Oh there was joy in that room!  For hours we laughed and listened to stories... and enjoyed our grown-up tea party.  And later, when she called me to say thank you, a tear or two more slipped on by that embroidered hankie as we relived the day...

 His favor is for a lifetime;
Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.

-Psalm 30:5

friday letters...the mcmiracle edition

Dear Friends,
Do you remember this story?  I promised you it would be worth being a part of... and as I prayed, from miles away, I saw God's goodness and grace unfold in one of the most beautiful love stories.  For any and all prayers you offered along side of me, thank you... from the bottom of my heart.

Father God,
Thank you for orchestrating such an amazing story for this family, and for blessing them with such a precious gift.  Along this journey's path, my faith stretched and grew, my soul ooohed and ahhhed, and again, I am totally in awe of you.

Dear "Kim"s Arizona Crew,"
What a community this was and continues to be!  I am so thankful for technology and the "groupme" app and the opportunity to ride along in Kim's pocket.  Your prayers for this family encouraged me along in my own, and as we waited together in the virtual waiting room, in prayer and on our knees,  we were second in line to watch this miracle (mcmiracle!) be celebrated.  It was an honor to be there with you, and I look forward to meeting more of you in real-life!

Dear KK & John,
I continue to be in awe of your faith and your courage.  From here it seemed you never wavered in that faith that this sweet baby girl would be yours... and I hoped it for you with every bit of my own heart.  I love the little pieces of this story that some might see as coincidences, but we saw as gifts and reassurances, God writing another chapter.  The respect and grace you showed to your birthmom and her daughter reflect your manta... to Love like Jesus. And I am so, so glad that this sweet girl is yours... forever.

And KK, this part is for you...
The time will come, when you are sitting with a group of women, and they will share their labor stories. Sweet friend, you have one, too.  It is as unique and beautiful as you are.  Your labor was of the heart... seventy-two hours of wrenching heart-labor, as you prayed, waited, hoped and wondered... will she be mine?  I hope you tell of the prayers coming from the waiting room, and the 35-plus women praying in your Mom's pocket.  I hope you tell of how love was instant, and the look on your husband's face when he first saw her.  I hope you share that first text She's here, she's perfect! , and that your whole world cheered with laughter and tears when the papers were finally signed and she was truly yours.

Dear Macie Kate,
Oh sweet, beautiful baby... you are so loved.  You are the gift we've been praying for all along.  And you were born into one of the best families on God's green earth.  Yes, it is the truth, and I am so thankful to know them.   I cannot wait to meet you!

And if you want to read Macie Kate's birth story, written by her Mommy {make sure you have tissues!} complete with pictures, click over to Inloveness Photography!

half-way through...

There has been quite a bit of college talk around our home... for Camden.  Just moments ago I was in disbelief that he was half-way through high school, and in the next breath it seems we are realizing that this time next year he will be up to his eyeballs in college applications.  The time is escaping... and last week I had a temper tantrum.

Last week was homecoming.  A thousand ways to celebrate your school, and in my eyes, he hardly wanted to be a part of it.  I borrowed two minutes of his time and asked if he needed any supplies for spirit week, and he looked at me blankly and said nope.  Perhaps my own eyes looked back equally blank, but my heart had plenty to say.  And some of it spilled right out in a mess of disappointment.  I want to document each activity, and it seems, at least every other breath...  Somehow I thought that these few days of high school fun were owed to me, but the reality is, these days are his, and he has every right to celebrate them in his own way.

It turns out that he did have some ideas... taking on royalty in his quirky way, and being the character he is. Early mornings had him at school working on the homecoming carts for the bazillion clubs he belongs to, and evenings were full of band practice, polishing up the new show additions.  He enjoyed the week, the way he wanted to. And I was thankful for any and all of it.

I'm hoping he might go to the homecoming dance next year... and if I can get one prom out him I'll be thrilled... but I need to keep in mind that he knows who he is, and what is important to him.  And though I think he can feel the time is ticking away, it might tick slower for the one with piles of homework.  So we'll try to take it one day at a time for now... and I will try to keep my heart in check.

joy.

We put her on speaker phone, both of us anxious to hear how her first visit to a new church went.  We had been thrilled when she mentioned she was going, and that she was even going to try out the choir.  And so when we asked her how it went?  Her voice spoke joy.  It made our day, really, to hear that joy and picture her smiling face.  She shared that she stayed for both services, and after the second there was a college lunch {they even packed up left-overs for the students!}   And more than all of that, she has been back.   It seems she has found a place where her heart, and voice, can sing...

Again, I marvel at her courage and willingness to step out in faith... arranging rides with choir members and meeting new people.  And I thank God for His showing of just how much she has grown since May...