the amazing years

We walk and we talk... and he asks for he camera.
I simply cannot stop myself from capturing the moment on the other one.  

This boy, and his sister, too... they amaze me.  It is not just in their growing, but in their becoming.  I wish I could take back every low groan of agreement when someone shared their grumble of oh just wait until they are teenagers!  Just now, when one has grown out of them and the other is five years in, I have stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop, ceased thinking that there might be a turn for the worse. Because the teen years are amazing.  I stand in awe, marveled by who they are, what they choose, where they wander.

I remember the day, the moment, when I felt free in motherhood, felt like this was how it was supposed to be. We had tagged along on Eric's reserve weekend, and somehow I had pulled off the impossible.   While he went off to work, I got two kids {three & six} up and dressed, packed and checked out of the hotel, and we were off to catch Beauty & the Beast in IMAX somewhere down the road.  I was standing there, buying the tickets... giddy. It was the feeling of accomplishment... that these littles were really small, capable people... and that we could really have fun together without a whole lot of stress.  We must have been quite a sight... laughing and rushing and loving it all.

These days I am just trying to keep up.  Somewhere along the way, I had to give up being the director of their paths, and am just along for the ride.  A wild, wonderful ride... filled with their ideas and their dreams that are beyond my imagination.  I am cherishing every turn, savoring the hours he is home, every note of his laughter.  When he disappoints me, my heart breaks, and I remind myself that he is human, and so am I.  We regroup, we forgive, and we snuggle in... because life is too short to hang on to what upsets us.

I catch myself staring... wondering where that little boy in the two-left-feet-too-big-red-cowboy-boots has gone off to. And when he leans in again, for just a moment, I wish I could hold his whole self in my arms again.  But then I remember... this? now?  Pretty darn amazing.